Thoughts on Homesickness

Well, I have gotten through my first week back at Cambridge. Being here, especially during the first week or so, is an emotional rollar coaster for me. I have some wonderful friends here and it is a great feeling to be welcomed back into the Leslie Barnett House. The people that I live with are like a family to me, but of course I still feel like I am a million miles away from where I truly want to be. Late at night when the house is silent and I am alone, I get very homesick. Last night I successfully made it through my first phone call home without crying. I suppose that is a milestone of sorts.

This continual reaction that I have whenever I go away is puzzling to me. As a child, I went away for months at a time without feeling terribly homesick. I think that the older I get the more aware I am of the mean and cold, "real world" out there, waiting for me. I don't even know what I think is so bad about being on my own. Perhaps NOT knowing makes the fear worse, as my imagination has always been able to create worse scenarios than could ever actually exist. Every time I leave home it is a reminder to me that I can not remain in my safe childhood home forever. Particularly now, in that it won't exist in a few months. I just wonder if I will ever be able to create a place of my own that provides that same comfort.